Student changes vaping world after laws try to stop him

It’s been almost a year since Governor Pat Quinn passed the law that prohibits use of electronic cigarettes from minors — a  law a local man calls “the most unconstitutional act constructed by government.”

An anonymous ex-vaper recently stepped up to the plate to provide reflection on how fellow ex-vapers have been coping with the change.

“It just irks me a little how no one really cared, you know? We lost our vapes, our drippers, our friends. When a traumatic event happens in the school, the student service staff usually makes an effort to reach out to the ones that were affected, but no one asked us if we were OK. No one,” he said.

As the interview went on, the ex-vaper explained how the past six months had been a hard time for the now vape-less vapers.

“We didn’t know what to do at first,” he said. “We experimented with so many different substitutes, but nothing worked.”

It wasn’t until the middle of our discussion when a group of shunned vapers shared some of their sad stories.

“It just wasn’t the same! You can’t vape out of a fog machine, Mitch. You’re stupid,” murmured the distraught Mitch Lemke to himself.

Eventually, the man who created the new pen had the courage to share his most liberating story.

“There were days where I would just go home and cry for hours just mourning my vape and one day my mom walked in while I was crying and handed me something. I said mom! This is just a stick, this isn’t a vape! She looked at me with the most caring eyes in the world and said, “what’s the difference?”

The local student said in a later interview that those words were the greatest piece of advice he had ever been given. In the months to come, ex-vapers all over school could be seen holding sticks in place of their vapes.

“Yeah, when the guys first told me about these sticks I was a bit skeptical,” said one of C-G’s ex-vapers. “The first thing I said when this random guy handed me my own stick was if I’d still be able to ghost.  He said, ‘yes, I ghost all the time.’ And that’s all the convincing I needed.” The student then left to go change his stick’s nicotine settings.

“If you look at this one it’s actually polished mahogany with a nice grip for optimized rips,” stated Lemke as he was showing off his new e-stick.

The local man isn’t keeping his creation to himself either. “I know there are a lot of lost vapers out there and it’s really my turn to give back,” said the friendly ex-vaper before he sped off in his new Subaru.

The substitutes won’t just end with the latest e-sticks. According to junior Adam Burke, he can make something even more revolutionary.

Using C-G’s renowned engineering facilities and cunning state-of-the-art 3D printers, Burke has developed what he says is “the holy grail of smokeless tobacco… smokeless, smokeless tobacco”.

In essence, Burke has come up with means to produce a vapor hologram out of an e cig. “It wasn’t easy, I had to collaborate with the math team of C-G to create an algorithm that produces 100% milky vapor” said Burke who was now puffing on his new, patented holo-vape.

“It’s wonderful,” said a C-G high schooler.

“I can finally blow clouds,” remarked a simulated member of the auto’s club, as he was introduced to the new holo-vape.

Perhaps, the best feature of the holo-vape is Burke’s proposition that new tech doesn’t fall under the minor vape prohibition.

“Technically, the holo-vape just produces theoretical vapor, therefore that fascist governor Pat Quinn can’t ban it,” said the man who now prefers to be called Vape Moses.

“It’s so phat…it’s just so phatty,” said an invigorated junior trying his first rip.

“The other day, I went right up to the police and did the biggest holo-ghost I could–it was so righteous,” said a senior student named Holden.

Seeing that the legality of a new vape substitute is of the utmost importance, we at the Trojan Times took interest in exploring how this new holo-vape would actually hold up to the real law.

“What’s an e cig?” questioned a Cary policeman.

Running the topic by a local lawyer, he said, “I don’t really know what an e cig is, but a holo-vape kind of sounds like a holo-point bullet and that, my friend, is very much illegal.”

Well, regardless of societal knowledge, the holo-vape is still making it’s way to the  teen market.

“I estimate that in less than two years, there will be hundreds of new theoretical vapers in high schools all across America,” said Burke.

Who knows, maybe the holo-vape will have some ground on the market. Pat Quinn’s law affected hundreds, maybe even a thousand vapers across Illinois looking for an alternative.

“I took time in clinics from my withdraw from my vape. I was around meth addicts, cocaine addicts and even heroin users. I met a recovering PCP addict, Chip, and although he didn’t have it quite as bad as me, he taught me how to persevere. But I would have never of made it if Burke hadn’t given me his first prototype of the holo-vape,” said Lemke.

So there you have it. Finally amongst the chaos of legality, there rises a new loophole for teens to take part in. E-cigs are now a toy of the past and, wildly enough, the hologram essence of Star Wars has made its return in the form of vapor. No wonder the kids are calling their new holo-trick the ghost of Obi-Wan.